Stop putting it off

Hi 

If you’re putting off or avoiding a conversation that you know you should be having, here’s something to try - and 3 reasons why.

Something to try...

(Actually, make that 2 things. I’m cheating…)

First, ask yourself: “How would the other person feel if they knew I was mulling on it and not having the conversation?”

And then try: Just starting.*

... and 3 Reasons Why

• We often kid ourselves that putting a conversation off is doing the other person a favour. (They won't thank me for this. I don't want to upset them.) But we’re not doing them a favour. In fact often we’re probably making the situation worse. Perhaps they can sense there’s something on your mind, which then causes them to start second guessing themselves. Or perhaps we’re giving them the false impression that everything is hunky dory…. Which is only going to make it harder and harder.
  

• In many cases, the reason we put off a conversation is because we’re don’t know how it will play out, and so we don’t feel equipped or ready to handle that uncertainty. And so keep buying ourselves more time by putting it off, as if a masterplan will fall from the skies and eliminate all the uncertainty. It won't. Just get in there and start. Allow it to be messy. Be open about the fact you don’t have the ‘right answer’ and that the conversation is a chance to understand and explore the situation.
  
• The focus on our own fear and uncertainty needs an antidote. Thinking about the other person’s reaction if they knew I was mulling is a good way to shift that focus and to remember the effect our procrastination is having on others. It builds urgency - either have the conversation or don't.
  

* At this point you might also turn to one of the many great books on this topic. Radical Candorby Kim Scott or Difficult Conversations by Sheila Heen and Doug Stone are both great places to start. 

Let me know how you go!

* At this point you might also turn to one of the many great books on this topic. Radical Candor by Kim Scott orDifficult Conversations by Sheila Heen and Doug Stone are both great places to start.

Simon